Hoax Warnings


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Fighting Canaries hoax

The below message is an obvious hoax. The 'damages' it tells about are enough to prove it. The hoax message looks like that:

 VIRUS ALERT
 ~~~~~~~~~~~

 If you  receive an email entitled "Fighting Canaries," delete it
 immediately. Do not open it.  Apparently this one is pretty
 nasty.

 It will not only erase everything on your hard drive, but it
 will also delete anything on disks within 20 feet of your
 computer.  It demagnetizes the stripes on ALL of your credit
 cards.  It reprograms your ATM access code, screws up the
 tracking on your VCR and uses subspace field harmonics to
 scratch any CD's you attempt to play.

 It will re-calibrate your refrigerator's coolness settings so
 all your ice cream melts and your milk curdles. It will program
 your phone autodial to call only your mother-in-law's number.
 This virus will mix antifreeze into your fish tank. It will
 drink all your sodas. It will leave dirty socks on the coffee
 table when you are expecting company.

 Its radioactive emissions will cause your toe jam and
 bellybutton fuzz (be honest, you have some) to migrate behind
 your ears.  It will replace your shampoo with Nair and your Nair
 with Rogaine, all while dating your current boy/girlfriend
 behind your back and billing the rendezvous to your Visa card.

 It will cause you to run with scissors and throw things in a way
 that is only fun until someone loses an eye. It will give you
 Dutch Elm Disease and Tinea.

 It will rewrite your backup files, changing all your active
 verbs to passive tense and incorporating undetectable
 misspellings which grossly change the interpretations of key
 sentences.

 If the message is opened in a Windows95 environment, it will
 leave the toilet seat up and leave your hair dryer plugged in
 dangerously close to a full bathtub. It will not only remove the
 forbidden tags from your mattresses and pillows, but it will
 also refill your skim milk with whole milk.

 It will replace all your luncheon meat with Spam.  It will
 molecularly rearrange your cologne or perfume, causing it to
 smell like dill pickles. It is insidious and subtle.  It is
 dangerous and terrifying to behold.

 It is also a rather interesting shade of mauve. These are just a
 few signs of infection.

 PLEASE FORWARD THIS MESSAGE TO EVERYONE YOU KNOW!!!

Please don't waste your time spreading this hoax message. Ignore it.